How to have a happy marriage? What is the secret to a happy marriage?
Almost every married person has this question and wants a perfect answer. But marriage advice can be tricky. Because every couple is different, and what worked for your mother-father or your BFF and your brother may be the opposite of what helps you and your partner.
But it doesn’t mean you can’t learn from the lovebirds! Every successful marriage has its secret to success and taking tips from others can help you to find your own.
How to Have a Happy Marriage?
All that dancing and laughter—a wedding is full of fun but being married is not a piece of cake. There’s a lot of work, dedication, and compromises that go into living “happily ever after”.
So, whether you’ve been married for years or just tied the knot, here are helpful tips for a stronger, healthier, and yes…more blissful bond.
- Accept That Every Happy Couples Argue
It is a fact that no marriage can be happy all the time. There are ups and downs. But in happy marriages, during fights partners listen to each other’s point of view, find when the argument is going off the rails, and make the necessary repairs.
If you and your spouse argue sometimes, or are going through a rough patch, it does not necessarily mean you are in an unhappy marriage. Just remember, this is quite normal in marriage life.
2. Focus On Each Other’s Strengths
See, it is not always possible to see past minor annoyances, and sometimes you may even hate your partner. But if you want to have a happy married life learn to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses. And set realistic expectations.
Suppose, your partner is not good at cooking, then don’t get angry when he or she cooks something not tasty. When we use our strengths it brings better results, and when we help our partner use their strengths, we experience more relational satisfaction.
3. Partner Can’t Complete You
Stop assuming the fairy tale story in your real life. A movie character, Jerry Maguire said “You complete me,” it was quite romantic in listening—but it doesn’t apply in the real world.
Because, when you rely on your spouse to fulfill you, it would surely lead to an over-dependent relationship where you would progress as individuals. For healthy relationships, couples should “complement,” not “complete” one another.
Focus on being secure, mature, and whole in yourself while being open to the other person. And always spend some time to nurture your interests and desires just instead of waiting for your partner to fill in the void.
4. Enjoy Laughing With Each Other
Life is full of stress and tension. If you find lightness even when you’re in the thick of it, it makes your bonding strong. Couples should find laughter in both good and bad times. Couples in happy marriages always have ease around each other.
It’s through little inside jokes, a silly unexpected text, or even just watching your favorite comedy together, when you connect with your spouse with laughter it enhances your relationship.
Laughter helps smooth over arguments and periods when you don’t like each other. If you can laugh together, can enjoy the same humor, you can get through damn near anything.
5. Try to Be Respectful and Understanding
Being kind to your spouse is one of the best Secrets to a Happy Marriage. When you are too critical and judgmental it mainly ends in defensiveness and resentment.
If you wish to have a happy married life, don’t attack your partner’s character when you’re upset. Suppose, he says, you are always late! You never make breakfast on time. Instead, try saying something like, “Because I was working late at night, I’d appreciate it if you could help me in preparing to break.” See how much nicer that sounds? So, this is the difference.
6. Celebrate Every Small Moment
As we know that we must be there for our partner during the difficult periods. But it is also important to acknowledge the good times, too. You know what, good things happen more often than bad, but we often miss those opportunities to connect.
So, the next time when your partner shares good news like a compliment from her boss, “Just stop whatever you are doing and give your full attention”. “Help her savor the moment by asking questions and actively celebrating the moment.” It would show gratitude for the happy moments in your marriage.
7. Give Appreciation to Each Other
It is a fact that when you’re with someone all the time, you easily take the person. But for a happy marriage life, you should verbally express your appreciation every day. You can call positive attention to something thoughtful they’ve done or let him or her know something you like about him or her”.
We all want to feel appreciated and reinforced for the things we are doing right. If we don’t feel valued, we may become resentful and grow apart.
8. Accept and Expect Change
To be truly happy in marriage, you should be willing to grow and adapt. See, you cannot take your eyes from this trust that our needs are always changing, we are growing, and relationships evolve.
It means what you need today may not be what you need years from now. Here, it is vital to bend, flex, and pivot with each other in a balanced dance. In successful and happy marriages, both partners should support each other so that they can develop to be the perfect person they can be, maturing as individuals and together as a team.
9. Go Out of Your Way to Make Their Day
“Once in a while, do something special to make their day. It may look strange but it’s okay it makes your partner happy. Suppose, your spouse likes eating pancakes at night. So, buy some pancakes and store them in the refrigerator. Now, she can eat them at any time.
This is not a very big deal, but it lets her know you listen and want to make her happy.
10. Stay Close to Family and Friends
In this modern society, marriage is about two person cocoons that we expect to get all our support and intimacy from. But it is not healthy and realistic at all.
You must keep friends and family in the loop. Your marriage and spouse should be your primary relationship but not only one.
All these relationships and togetherness are not necessarily beneficial for couples. One of the best ways to strengthen your marriage is to put fewer emotional demands on your partner.
Here, I do not mean to say lose emotional intimacy with your husband or wife. I just want to say that as a married couple, you have a lot to gain by fostering your relationships with family members and friends.
The happiest couples who can make a happy married life are those who have interests and support “beyond the twosome.”
11. Excitement is the Key
When it comes to secret to a happy marriage, excitement is the key. To make your bonding strong, you need more exciting activities to hold on to the rush you felt when you first fell in love.
It is already proved that those who had undertaken the “exciting” date nights showed a significantly better increment in marital satisfaction than the “pleasant” date night group…
To make your marriage a happily ever after, protect it by regularly trying new things, and sharing new experiences with your spouse. Prepare a list of the favorite things you and your spouse like to do together, and then filter the list with what you’d like to try.
12. The Five to One Formula
How many happy moments do you need to make up for the bad ones? As per the research it has a ratio of 5 to 1. Here, you don’t need to count every single positive and negative but if they’re nearly equal, your possibility of separation shoots way up.
Researchers at the University of Washington reviewed the data and came up with a striking pattern. According to their research report in stable marriages, there are at least five times more positive interactions than negative ones.
And, when this ratio starts to drop, the marriage is at high risk. I understand that in real life, no couple can keep a running tally of positive and negative displays. Hundreds of them happen on any given day. Practically, the lesson is that just saying sorry after bad behavior cannot make things good again. For every snide comment or negative outburst in a marriage, a person needs to ramp up the positives, so the good-to-bad ratio doesn’t fall to a risky level.
13. Enjoy Your Intimacy
Throughout a marriage, desire and your moments can lessen. Despite that, intimacy is healthy and has all types of biological and emotional advantages that we must not ignore.
Besides your work stress and responsibilities, your private moments can improve your mood, make you more patient, damp down anger, and lead to a better, more contented relationship.
So put down your mobile phone, hold on your work and go have your moment with your husband or wife.
14. Don’t Settle for A Second-Rate
If you have idealistic standards and want to be treated well. You wish to have romance and passion from your marriage, you deserve to have this kind of marriage.
To all those men and women who have low standards and don’t expect good treatment, communication, or romance, they engaged in relationships that don’t offer those things…
When husbands and wives both hold their partners to a reasonably high standard, they get better married. When you expect a better, more satisfying relationship, you enhance your chances of having one.
15. Your Spouse Cannot Make You Always Happy
We all want to be happy. But it lies within the individual and if you expect your spouse to change that forever is completely unrealistic and unfair.
It is more surprising that as per research happiness is relatively stable. So, some big life events like marriage or the birth of a child can give you happiness, but it is for a short-term happiness boost.
But you can always be happy if you depend on your happiness.
Suppose, if you ranked your level of happiness as a 7.5 on a scale of 1 to 10, research shows that most of the time, the events of your life won’t change that. You’ll pretty much be a 7.5 happy person all your life.
(You can go above your baseline and be happy for always. Here’s how to be happy.)
This is how to have a happy marriage:
- Bad things are exceptions, good things are traits: When they don’t prepare breakfast on time it’s because they were busy. When they make them at the right time it’s because they’re a good person who loves you.
- Say Thanks: Regularly think about all the nice things they’ve done to contribute to the relationship.
- Stay Connected with Other People: Mostly friends and family members don’t take you away from your relationship; they improve it.
- Exciting Experiences: Making exciting experiences together is one of the top secrets to a happy marriage.
- Say, I Love You: Also, keep saying ‘I love you’ every day. They’re three small words that mean everything to your partner. Let them know you love them.
- At Last, Keep Working: You need to work to make things better when times do get tough. Don’t assume that things will just get better on their own. The secret to a happy marriage involves a certain amount of conscious effort.
So, what else do you need to do? Keep working for your relationship and spend more time together as a couple.
Other posts you should read on improving your relationships.
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